How Do I Compare Memory Care Options in My Area on Long Island?

How do I compare memory care options in my area? Line up three or four communities, tour each one at the same time of day, ask the same questions, and score what you see on staffing, safety, daily life and contract terms. That sounds simple, but when you are tired and worried, it is easy to be swayed by a lovely lobby.

I am Mike McClernon, a senior living advisor in Glen Cove. I have toured more than 90 communities across Nassau County, Suffolk County and Queens, and I see the same mistakes again and again. This guide gives you a method that works, then covers Medicaid and a packing list for the move.

How do I compare memory care options in my area?

Use one scorecard and the same questions at every community. Comparing like with like is the whole trick, and it turns a stressful search into a manageable one.

Here is the method I use with families:

1. Start with your parent: diagnosis, stage, safety risks, habits, what soothes them. That tells you what to look for.
2. Choose a radius. Close to family means more visits, which matters more than a fancy building.
3. Pick three or four communities. More than that and the details blur together.
4. Tour each at a similar time, ideally around a meal and again in late afternoon, when confusion often peaks.
5. Take the same notes at each: staff, atmosphere, food, safety, price sheet.
6. Sit down together within a day and score them while the memory is fresh.

Remember the structure of the market. On Long Island and in Queens there are about 47 memory care programs, 42 inside larger assisted living communities and 5 free standing, so you will see both models. Our guide to what a memory care facility is explains the difference, and what memory care actually includes lists the services to expect. For my own map of the county, see the memory care overview.

What should you look at on a tour?

Watch people more than walls. How staff speak to residents, and how residents look, tells you what daily life is like.

What to check	Good sign	Warning sign
Staff	Greet residents by name, kneel to eye level, seem unhurried	Staff talk over residents or stay at the desk
Residents	Clean, dressed, engaged, some laughter	Many sitting alone in front of a screen
Safety	Secured doors, calm exits, clear hallways	Easy exits, clutter, no plan for wandering
Food	Appealing, with help for those who struggle to eat	Cold plates, residents left without help
Evening	A quiet plan for late day restlessness	No one can explain how they handle it
Contract	Clear care levels and fee triggers	Vague answers about when the price rises

Ask about staffing at night and on weekends, how long the aides have worked there, and what dementia training they receive. Late day confusion deserves its own question. Read what sundowning is and how communities handle it before your tour so you know what a good answer sounds like.

If your parent sees things that are not there, ask how staff respond. Our post on hallucinations in dementia and how staff respond helps you judge their answer.

How do you compare the cost of memory care?

Ask for a written price sheet from each community, and compare the same things. The base rent may look similar, but care levels, one time fees and yearly increases can make two communities very different.

I do not quote dollar amounts here, because they change and differ by room and care level. Instead, ask each community these questions:

• What is included in the base rate, and what triggers a higher level of care?
• Is there a community fee at move in, and is any part refundable?
• How much did the rates rise in the last two years?
• What happens if my parent needs more care than you can give?
• What is the notice period if we decide to leave?

Our post on what the average monthly cost of memory care covers shows how fee sheets are built. For long term care insurance, check whether a policy exists and what it pays. Our guide on whether you need long term care insurance explains the basics, and a policy usually has a waiting period before it pays, so call the insurer early.

Medicare does not pay for memory care. General guidance only: rules change, so confirm with the county or an elder law attorney.

Is there memory care that accepts Medicaid?

Some communities do, but not all, and beds are limited. Medicaid rules in New York change, so confirm current details with the county or an elder law attorney before you build a plan around them.

When you compare, put the payment question near the top of your list. A community that accepts private pay only will be a dead end if your parent will need Medicaid in a year. Ask whether the community accepts Medicaid at move in, or only after a period of private payment, and how many beds it holds for residents on Medicaid. Ask what happens if your parent runs out of private funds while living there.

Having a backup community in mind from the start helps if a bed does not open when you need it. I check these policies for you, and I tell you straight when a community will not work. If you want to understand how the New York program works, read ways to pay for assisted living.

Families with limited funds are not out of options, but they need an early start and a patient search.

What should be on a memory care packing list?

Choose simple, familiar and washable. Memory care residents do best with a room that looks like their own, without clutter.

• Seven to ten outfits that are easy to put on, with labels
• Comfortable shoes with grip, and slippers
• Framed family photos, ideally with names written on the back
• A familiar blanket, pillow or bedspread
• A music player with favorite songs from their younger years
• Glasses, hearing aids, dentures and a medication list
• A folder with ID, insurance cards and legal papers

Skip valuables, sharp objects and anything that might confuse, such as many mirrors. Ask the community what it provides and what it does not allow.

The same list structure works for any senior living move, and our printable assisted living packing checklist has a full version you can tick off. Keep photos and music handy, since staff often use them to start a conversation during hard moments.

How do you narrow the field without getting overwhelmed?

Start with the non negotiables, then cut. For most families the non negotiables are location, safety, price range and whether the community can handle the next stage.

I plan 18 to 24 months past the move, because dementia usually progresses and your parent may need more care later. A community that cannot handle that may force a second move, which is hard for the person and the family. After the first call, I narrow the options to a handful, then tour with you. We look at staffing, food, care levels and contracts, and I help with offers and paperwork.

If you want a quick look at other pieces of the picture, the post on assisted living with memory care under one roof covers hybrid communities. County overviews are useful too: families in Nassau can look at memory care in Nassau County, and those in Suffolk can start with memory care in Suffolk County or the wider senior living guide for Suffolk.

You can also reach people sooner than you think. Many families make a decision within a few weeks when they have a clear method.

Who can help you compare options?

I can, and it costs your family nothing. Communities compensate me when a family moves in, so my service is free. I hold a dementia care certification and follow up after the move.

Assisted Living Locators of Long Island is at 42 Prospect Ave, Glen Cove, NY 11542. Use the contact form to reach me, or start from the memory care page for Long Island to see how I work. I have been through this with my own mother. Bring your questions and we will take it one tour at a time.

Questions readers ask

Read next

• What Is a Memory Care Facility, and How Do You Know It Is Time?
• What Memory Care Actually Includes (and What It Does Not)
• What the Average Monthly Cost of Memory Care Covers